I rarely share my opinion on social media. I rarely actually speak at all, instead sharing memes and artistically altered photos that speak to my point of view and emotions. This isn’t because I don’t have anything to say but more that everyone does. Something to say or point of view they are trying to sell and I’m unsure if my opening up would add any value. So I stay silent, unless something is really weighing on me. No, that’s not exactly it. Heavy though it may be, it isn’t the weight of the issue that causes me to speak up but the weight of the words. The words, they start to rise and they won’t leave me until they are expressed. So, I don’t know, once a year, maybe, if that, I express my opinion. I’m wondering if maybe I should open up more. Again, not because I feel like my opinion needs to be heard but because I am always so filled to the brim with words. I’m beginning to realize that for me, words often equal emotion and it probably isn’t good for the soul to let so much rest just beneath the skin

I used to write a blog about living with a mental health diagnosis of which I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria. It helped. It helped more than the therapy I undertook for the symptoms of said disorder. More than any therapy I had ever undergone. I’m toying with the idea of starting a blog again but on a platform like patreon or Onlyfans or…🤷 I’m not sure I could handle the exposure a completely public blog afforded. The benefits of my previous blog came from my ability to write openly and candidly in a way that helped me to process while engaging with a community but being wholly public had it’s downside. My candor invited more than it’s fair share of criticism (and trolls galore) and also an overwhelming amount of people seeking my help. A paid site might lead to a more manageable audience and let’s be honest, the idea came about while pondering the money question. Living with chronic illness, I need to find a way to make some kind of living from home. My body may be unwell but my mind is not and writing is all I currently know to do.

When the idea first crossed my mind, it seemed ridiculous that anyone might want to pay any amount to read my words, listen to my thoughts, and maybe it is, but directly after this idea entered my mind, I listened to a random tarot reading and the reader said that I was toying with an idea that could be a success. During the reading, she kept trying to refer to this idea’s patrons but instead it kept coming out patreons and that seemed pretty coincidental. I thought maybe it isn’t so crazy🤷 If a random tarot reading can predict the birth of my son, among other things in my life, then maybe this idea isn’t as absurd as it feels. Maybe the universe is speaking, maybe I should listen for once instead of deciding I am undeserving of this communication and must therefore be making it up.

I can’t promise anything big and exciting, I can’t even really say what the blog would be about, like Seinfeld , it would be a blog about nothing. A blog about me. It would definitely have poems, and likely my thoughts, my beliefs/ opinions/life. Although I’m unsure of just how much and which aspects I would like to share. I think like my previous blog, it might be my shadow attempting to work it’s way into the light. So, if you’ve read this far, thank you, and I guess my point in sharing this is to ask, would anyone be interested in this if I chose to pursue it?

Posted originally to Facebook,